Anxiety Disorder-A Rude Awakening to My Life of Insanity

mask-of-insanityLife has turned in a complete chaos ever since prodrome stormed   into my life. Profrome refers to a period of decreased functioning prior to the first psychosis or the onset of schizophrenia. I wish I only knew it before its rude awakening to my life of insanity.

About six months ago, I studied my final exam like a zombie with the assistance of prescription drug dexamphetamine( Psycho-stimulant for Attention Deficit Disorder). I became withdrawn from friends and family which I thought to be the outcome of stress and depression. Over many restless days and nights, I buried my head in the textbooks and thanks to my supercharged brain power. All of those hard work compensated for the fact that I did not attend most of the classes. But I have now realized, It was nothing but a dysfunction robot struggled to deliver ever decaying performance.

I shed 10kgs since that I was not able to eat but live on the nutrient of cups and cups of full cream coffee with one sugar. Prior to the start of the exam, I was vomiting bile outside of the building; during the exam, I was not only struggled with stomach ache( was in fact chest pain), I also started hearing mp3 music on my phone, I was thinking:

” I must have accidently left the music on. Should I bend down to switch it off? What if people caught me on cheating, as we are not supposed to have our phone switched on?”

The music only gets louder and so as people started making a lot of noises walking out of the exam hall. I was vaguely aware of the mere hallucination,

” STOP IT!!!!!!” I shook my head hard and I’m not sure if I had screamed out aloud.

Overall, I was convinced that “severe anxiety disorder” was the real offender of my mental disturbance and declining academic performance. Therefore, I decided to take the semester off to recover from distress, but I had only became less motivated and certainly did not feel easier with a new chapter of ambivalence. I had never thought that it was the “Prodrome Phase” which is the onset of a path of esoteric, a path towards insanity.

~ by lesstraveledby on November 14, 2008.

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