Captive Of The Tobacco Army

At this present time, I am trying my hardest to free my mind from nicotine addiction. I’ve tried to scull down 5 shots of coffee just to compensate a stimulation that I long for. I closed my eyes fantasising a peaceful forest or whatever it takes to retreat to a serene state of mind.  Before I philosophize the habit of smoking , I would like to commence with the feeling of smoking.

A lot of non-smokers could not understand why people smoke. Do we really enjoy the stale stench of cigarettes clinging to our unhealthily frail bodies? Probably not, yet I must admit the feelings of smoking are both stimulating and sedating, like an aftermath of an orgasm, feeling totally and completely relaxed and content for those few, precious moments, especially after a long crave. But it soon wears off and the urgent inadmissible need returns – must have more.

I’m fantasising the indescribable feeling of smoking – give it a light peck and immerse into fragrance of rawness straight out of the pack, lighten up its tip, watching the burning embers of smoke spiral through the airy breeze and slowly disappear. I’m inhaling in the thick grey fog that surrounds me, spluttering in disgust at this putrid taste.

Nevertheless, the pleasant sensation is swelling rapidly along the lining of my spine, the back of my neck, passing through and circulating to the brains. I close my eyes, enjoy the spinning world, the turbulent tingles running along my body. I am not sure if my heart is pounding harder or it is about to settle. I opened my eyes, feeling my enlarging pupils, mellowing the heighten agitation with an immense sense of relieved after a long crave. Eyelids are too heavy to keep my eye opened, Must I be a  creature with five tones of weight, falling into the abyss, or must I be a piece of feather that drifting in the air?

I question on the level of the flattering sensation we often caressed. It is not hard to pin point those captives of The Tobacco Army. Puppets that manipulates by little stupid dry leaves sticks. Why would us powerful sovereign individuals struggle to function without its present. Far from being accepted, I feel like being excluded and the label of  a “smoker” makes me feel as if I’m diseased in public.  I condemn my weakness to the self -control of my behaviours, emotions and desire.  I condemn my internal contradiction that manifested itself into irrational choice. We  succumb to the overpowering addition underlies the guilt-ridden pleasure; clearly aware of the fact that the more we do it, the more difficult it will be to stop, caught up in the vicious cycle of addition.

Most smokers regards a smoking habit to the source of solution to particular unpleasant moment, to alleviate tension or indifference- we aim to alter the way we feel. Indeed Marmar said that the tension does not come simply from the fact of inconsistency; rather, it is triggered more broadly by threats to our reputation or self-image. As the psychologist Elliott Aronson(1980) concluded, we deceive ourselves specifically when confronted with the evidence that we are not “nice and in control”; we are not well-motivated and competent as we would like others to think, and the need to reduce it is the unconscious need to explain that evidence away.

~ by lesstraveledby on July 24, 2008.

3 Responses to “Captive Of The Tobacco Army”

  1. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

  2. Your blog is interesting!

    Keep up the good work!

  3. Thank you AlexM!!! I am awfully delighted when I see your comments. It means a lot to me and I wouldn’t expect many people would actually be interested in reading such a long post. You’re obviously an insightful person! 🙂

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